Tonight, after Brody's night time feeding, he lay sleeping in my lap. I cuddled him in close, rested my cheek on his, and had the strongest desire to freeze time. In 2 1/2 weeks my baby boy will be one. ONE! I'm excited, I am sad. I'm already feeling nostalgic. Remembering how it felt when he was growing in my belly. Replaying the day he was born. All the emotions I felt as I carried him through our front door for the first time. How scared I felt when my mom left to go home, leaving me to learn to be a mother. Amazing. That's what comes to mind. Amazing that my little man, who is walking everywhere these days, was small enough to fit in my belly. Amazing that Jeff and I have created this little family, that we've grown so much not only as parents but as individuals.
I love that he is growing, learning, becoming independent already. I love that he is adventurous, daring, brave. I love when he gets shy and snuggles his head into my neck. Pulling himself closer to me. We started out having no idea how to be parents. We've watched our siblings become parents. But until we actually became parents...until we physically held Brody in our arms that first time, we were clueless. It's amazing how natural it is. Your instincts just take over. I had always wanted to be a mother. And now that I am one, I know I was always meant to be one. Being Brody's mom, it's the most gratifying thing I have ever done. Even on those days when I'm questioning my sanity, watching the clock, waiting for Jeff to get home. Because amidst all the crazy there are moments of heart stopping perfection. They don't always last long, but they are there. And no matter how long they do last, those moments put everything back into place. They realign life. They remind me why I have always wanted to be a mom. To have Brody.
This year has gone fast! I remember my first grade teacher telling us that each year goes by a little faster. I thought she was crazy then, but now, it couldn't be more true. Now, I am planning Brody's first birthday! We were just making a birth plan and now we are planning a party! Our baby boy...our almost toddler (what?!?) he makes my heart swoon. He's got a smile that melts hearts, a toothy grin that makes you want to smile back and hugs that make you never want to let go. I could not be more thankful for him. Although I get sad he's not going to be a "baby" anymore, I do know that we've still got years of cuddles ahead of us. Years of bedtime stories, goodnight kisses, and morning smiles. And I'll end with this, because it makes my heart happy! My silly boy!
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