Even before we had Brody, we always talked about kids. We both agreed we wanted more than one, and once life calmed down after our wedding, talk got serious about baby number 2. Serious for Jeff. He was pretty gun-ho about baby making ;) I, on the other hand, had some qualms about getting pregnant again. I wasn't sure I was ready to share my heart with another baby. I love devoting my time to Brody. Giving him my attention, love and affection is like breathing. And the thought of not getting to give him every bit of me...I just couldn't and sometimes still can't wrap my head, or my heart, around it.
So when my friend asked me if I could watch her son one day a week for half a day I thought, why not? It would be perfect. It would give me a chance to see how Brody would react with another baby in the house, and how my heart would feel splitting my attention. Sometimes not even splitting, Brody may get the shaft sometimes, ya know those 6 month olds need a little more than my busy 14 month old! And ya know what, instead of it convincing me I DIDN'T want another baby yet, it convinced me how much I did!
Holding my friends 6 month old, feeling his warm, cuddly body in my arms made me long to have my own baby in my arms. Watching how fascinated Brody was with him, how curious he was and how much he wanted to help, it made me realize that he will be just fine. If anything he will thrive with having a sibling to love on. I'm not saying Brody doesn't ever get jealous, or not want to share his things, but isn't that the point? Giving Brody a sibling will teach him what it is to share in all aspects. It will teach him how to care, and give care and all the things love encompasses.
Holding Brody and my friends son made my heart soar. There is just something so sweet and filling when holding babies. I can't imagine how my heart will soar when I am holding two of MY babies! It's amazing how quickly you can adapt to changes. I was so afraid when we first brought Brody home. I was full of doubt. I had no idea how to be a mother. I was terrified at failing my precious boy. Now, I have nothing but confidence. Our capacity as humans to adapt, to grow and learn and love, its astounding. I am nothing but ecstatic for the day I find out I am with child again! And until then, I get to continue learning the ropes of this whole parenthood thing!
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