my sort of new years resolution

I've been wanting to start writing again. Like, regularly posting on my blog. As much as I despise "new years resolutions" it's sort of what it is. I even took my out-of-working order laptop in to get fixed so I could stop relying on my husbands work computer. My writing dreams got promptly halted when we found out there was water damage on my laptop and the starting fee to get parts and start fixing it was at a mere $1,200. Oh, and it could go up from there. No bigs. Accept, what?! I was not expecting that. I was thinking a week at the most and it'd be back to working order and I'd be blissfully writing while my children played quietly in front of me. Ok, that lovely scene was probably never in the cards, but still!After the hubs and I discussed it and talked a bit with the computer guy, it makes more financial sense to buy a new computer instead of putting the money into fixing my old one. It just seems like so much work! I'm not tech savvy. I just want to write. I thought I'd do a quick search for "the best notebooks" only to find I mine as well be reading a different language. I need to talk to a real living, breathing human, tell them what I want the notebook for and have him say "here, this is the one for you."

The truth is, I'm an excuse finder lately. Of course I could get by blogging on my husbands work computer. The thing is, it means when I feel inspired to write, I have to go into his office, which gives me anxiety in a half. It needs some serious organizing and zen. I mean, I just feel like it kills my inspiration going in there, not to mention the kids think it's an invitation to follow me and proceed to get into everything they KNOW they are not supposed to get into. And Lola thinks it's detrimental to sit on my lap and try to punch the keys. It just doesn't work.

I feel like life is moving so fast and so much has been happening and when I finally can write I don't know where to start. Do I backtrack? Play here's what you've missed in the last 6-12 months? Or just start from right here right now and if you feel lost in the dark, well, too bad. Ugh I just can't. I have about 10 posts I've started, do I just jumble them together? I need direction. I need to figure out what I want this blog to mean to me. It use to be so easy! And what happens if I get started and really build some steam only to crash when I have baby #3? No, I won't go to the future. That won't do me any good. Maybe trying to relive the past won't either. Today. I start with today.

We've woken to another snowy morning. Insert cry face here. The snow was magical when it started, before Christmas. Now...I am so over it. Not even snow really just the extreme cold that has been accompanying it. And, of course, snow means my husband is gone. It's a double edge sword really. Snow is our livelihood in the winter, but it also means weird hours and vacant dad. It gets lonely. It's been so cold the kids can't even go out and play in it, not that Lola would anyways. So now we are left missing dad and going stir crazy. YIKES! oh, and at 28 week pregnant with my third child (which feels more like 38 weeks) I'm about as energetic as a run down energizer bunny. And the aches and pains...seriously someone should have warned my that the third time is in fact NOT easier but harder! I really am trying to enjoy every moment, this being my last time carrying a baby, but I daydream of the days I can get out of a chair and not hobble around like I've been doing extreme winter sports.

It's a start you guys. It's by far not my best writing but practice makes perfect...er right?  So here's to 2017 and maybe making less excuses and probably learning to let go of the images in my head of what writing the perfect blog should look like and remembering why I started in the first place! It's not always going to be pretty and make a ton of sense but damn does it feel good to be writing!