Renewal

"You are the guardians of the hearth. You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God." - Gordon B. Hinckley

Easter weekend is emotional for me. When I really take the time to think and read about Jesus' sacrifice my heart cries out. I feel so undeserving. He died for ME. He suffered for Me. He knew He would suffer and He still did it....for Me. I don't want to forget this feeling today or next week because this feeling, it makes me want to run to Jesus. It makes me want to fall at his feet and cry out.  I want to cry out my thanks, my love, my desire to share His love.

April, for me,  means renewal; it's time to dig in deep and refocus. Forget about New Years Eve. Spring is where it's at. There's regrowth, there's a changing of season and it is so beautiful. April is the month I've dedicated to starting Ann Voskamp's The Way of Abundance. Her words always speak deep into my heart. They leave me feeling gutted, but in a good way. She pulls out all of the ugly and reminds me there is beauty in the broken.

This life...this life where I get caught trudging though the weeks, where I struggle hour to hour, it is SO precious.  And I don't have to trudge...I don't have to struggle. God entrusted me with three beautiful babies. They are life, purity and unending grace. They are love, and forgiveness and they are mine to mold into the image of our Father. I feel like I've spent months, maybe even years (if I'm being honest) trying to find myself, my place. The truth is, it has always been right here. Right here, in this messy house, surrounded by my kids who some days drive me to the edge of my sanity. My place is here, in the trenches of motherhood. There are days I feel like I'm merely existing; wiping butts, tripping on toys, and trying to throw a meal together.

Motherhood though, it is holy work. What greater calling could I ask for than motherhood? "Holiness means to be set apart to the service of God, to be different in character. It also implies action. There is a way in which holiness moves us to be different then, to act differently. Holiness is being like God both in our character and our actions." I think I fall into the lie that in order for me to be holy I need to do something big, that staying home to raise my kids isn't enough. That couldn't be farther from the truth. What is holier than raising children of God? God does have a plan for me, just as he does for my children. It's up to me to have faith, to pray and to look to Him for guidance.