sisterhood

When did it become so hard to make friends? Real, put aside the pleasantries, friends? The friends you know you can call in the middle of the night in tears? Friends you know will be there for you, no questions asked? Friends who you aren't afraid to put the plastered smile aside for? Who you can be utterly raw in front of and know without a doubt there is no judgment? Just sisterhood. That bond...that woman to woman bond? I've been thinking a lot about this. It seemed so much easier to make friends back when. High school, college...moving to new places. Maybe it was because than there was more common ground. Now we are all growing at different paces, going in different directions. Maybe now my expectations have changed. I think in my early twenties (yes, I think I qualify to say that) I spent so much time feeling insecure about myself and judgmental towards others that I really lost out on making possible lifeys . I was so unsure about who I was and what I wanted in life and where exactly I fit in that when I saw my peers, my confident, on track peers I felt threatened instead of inspired. Instead of seeing woman power, instead of seeing strength, I assumed I was looking at catty, judgmental bitches. Yes, I said it. But all along, I was the one being a judgmental bitch. Not proud. But at least I can admit that now. So where exactly does that leave me? I have a few friends I can soul pour too. Do I always feel like I can bare it all...no not always. Do I still feel lost sometimes? Am I afraid of being judged still? Maybe I am. Once in awhile. But I am discovering that with motherhood I am developing a new confidence. I am finding my place. And I am realizing how important sisterhood is. I crave it. I crave having a group of strong confident women that I can call on. That I can bare my ugly insecurities too. That I know will lift me up when I doubt myself. Women are amazing. We are strong. We are beautiful. And when we join forces, we are unstoppable. Am I always a great friend? Am I the friend to others that I want for myself? Most the time I think. I hope. It's easy to get caught up in my own life. I'll admit to that. Jeff and I talk about this a lot. Friendships take a conscious effort. And when you feel like you are the only one making the effort it makes it hard to keep trying. When it's as easy as a quick text to bail, when you don't have to hear disappointment or anger or hurt, it's pretty easy to let the ones you care about down. I'm guilty. But if I expect my friends old and new to treat me how I want to be treated, then that means I need to step up. Even if I get knocked down once in awhile or let down. It means I will put in that extra effort. And hopefully I notice it in return.
On a side note, this is where I feel technology blows. The dreaded?...the convenient? text message. What happened to calling? I remember when Jeff and I first started dating, one of the things I fell for was that he actually called! He actually took the time to call and speak to me. I honestly think texting leaves a lot to be desired. It's so impersonal. Again, its easy to make promises and break promises through texting. Its like there's a lack of repercussion so to speak. No accountability. You send a few words, put your phone down and forget it. You don't have to explain anything you don't have to interpret tones. Maybe I'll work on that. Maybe I'll focus on taking the time to call. It means more. At least to me it does. I leave you with this, my few, but much appreciate readers:

Sisterhood:

1a : the state of being a sister

  b : sisterly relationship

2: a community or society of sisters; especially : a society of women in a religious order

3: the solidarity of women based on shared conditions, experiences, or concerns