I'm just not ready

There was a point while I was breastfeeding that I couldn't wait to be done. Now Brody is a year old and I am still breastfeeding in the morning and before bed and I am completely content. I didn't think it would be hard for me to stop but now that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with my recent pump fiasco, I'm realizing I am not ready to stop. I enjoy our quiet time together twice a day. It may sound silly, but it is my bonding time with him. It's him still needing me. It's a connection I am just not ready to break. So why a fiasco you ask? My original pump was awesome, until it wasn't. The motor was starting to tweak and pump at sporadic strengths, making me dread the rare moments when I would have to pump. So I took advantage of the warranty and was thrilled when an easy phone call guaranteed me a brand new pump. Not only brand now, but the most recent model! A dream come true...right? NOT! This new model sucks. It comes with three preprogrammed speeds/suction strengths and an hour into pumping one side barely resulted in three ounces of milk. For those of you wondering...that is NOT nearly what the old pump could squeeze out.  OK really the details aren't all that important. Here's what is: my bachelorette party is this weekend. Drinking and fun? Yes, please! Needing to pump twice while I am away from Brody....kind of dreading it. Which brings me to: should I just stop breastfeeding? Save my self the inconvenience of pumping? And like I said before, I didn't expect my heart to ache at the idea of being done. But it does. And yes, I am tearing up and sad just typing this. So, I take that as meaning I'm not ready to break that connection with Brody. I feel like I have enough on my plate with him turning one TODAY and our wedding next Saturday, let alone trying to deal with the emotion of letting my milk dry up. I think it's more than that too. It's the fact that I have a one year old! When did that happen? Wasn't he just born and needing me constantly throughout the day? Now he's chowing down on corn on the cob like no ones business. He doesn't need me as much...or at least not in the nutritional way. It's a lot for a mommy. Having your baby turn one is huge, let alone deciding to stop breastfeeding. Which I wonder....am I crazy for feeling so emotional about this or is it completely normal? I realize that it will be hard to make the decision to be done, and I also realize I will get over it and I really probably rejoice in the newfound freedom of not having to feed him from my body but right now....man....like I said, it just makes me weepy. Baby's do that to you. They make you so vulnerable to a whole new set of emotions. And then all of a sudden your baby doesn't even look like a baby anymore, they look like a toddler! What?! Give my heart a break Brody! Mommy can not handle all of these changes...or she can't handle them as gracefully as she'd prefer. Ok really, this was not what I had planned on spewing forth today, but here it is. All out and sticky with emotion.