laundry calling

We had to run some errands yesterday afternoon which meant leaving a fresh pile of Brody's laundry on the couch. Not my favorite thing, I'm generally a fold it the minute the dryer dings type of person. When we got home it was only a matter of seconds before he fell asleep. A far cry from the other day, right? I wasted no time getting out of my jeans and into some yoga pants and curled up in the chair pulling a blanket over me. I had a few articles I'd been meaning to read and seized the quiet moment. It was a perfect afternoon. The sun was streaming in through the windows bathing the living room in a warm glow. I was content and with the articles finished I was tempted to just close my eyes for a bit, breathe in deep and relax. I knew if I did this it would only be minutes before I'd curl up and fall asleep and the pile of laundry was basically leering at me.  I grudgingly pushed myself up out of my cozy nest and went to the couch pushing laundry aside to make room to sit.  The first thing I grabbed was a pair of fleece footy pajamas. They are blue with polar bears and brown bears wearing scarves and gray and blue trees. I thought to myself how cozy they must be and I snuggled them up close to my face feeling their softness against my cheek. I breathed in deep, I could smell Brody. My throat tightened and my eyes got cloudy. I've noticed this before. I swear I can always smell him. It doesn't even matter that they'd been washed. His perfect little boy scent was there. Faint, yes, but there. Maybe it was all in my mind. It doesn't matter. That moment of breathing him in, it made getting up to fold the laundry worth it. It's sometimes the mundane things where true beauty lies. In that moment, hugging my little boys pajamas, (I know it makes me sound a bit crazy) it made me want to freeze time; to keep him small. It's not the first time my heart has constricted at the thought of him growing up, it won't be the last. I think though, that it reminded me to slow down. Slow down and enjoy every moment with him. We don't always have to be doing something amazing. We could be cuddled up on the couch together reading a story or I could be watching him trying to get Remi to play fetch but the point is to just take notice of it. I sometimes beat myself up about not doing enough. Should I being doing more for him, for myself, for my family...I'm not sure what standard I repeatedly hold myself to, or why it seems to be ingrained that I should always be on the go doing more, trying harder being more of this or that, but it's unfair. To all of us. Being there, being present, that's pretty important. Being present is the only thing that should matter.