Tuesday's with Riley

I'm all over the page today.

First off, why is it the people we love are the first target for our emotional vomit? Seriously? I mean I've read all the same things you have, we vom on those we love because we know they'll love us despite our flaws blah blah blah...but I don't know...doesn't that sound kind of like a cop out? I'm not saying I don't do it to Jeff, he definitely gets his fair share, and he always always helps me to clean it up. I just think maybe I should find a different target. Like, oh maybe the garbage? Remind me again, why do we emotional vomit throughout life? I feel like it's a weekly occurrence for me and I'm beginning to get really fed up with it. So basically, fed up with myself. You see, I really honestly have everything I've dreamed of. I have an amazing, sexy ; ) loving husband. He works his butt off to provide and meet the needs of our family. He doesn't complain about it, he just does it. I have a beautiful, funny, smart, loving little boy who is growing way to fast. I am a stay at home mom, which is what I have always wanted to be. I have a roof over my head, a pretty cozy roof. I have no legitimate reason to have emotional vom.....I just think I'm really good at finding flaws. And I'm OK with blaming some of it on being a woman. We are emotional creatures, I'll accept that. I just think, for me, I need to seek the good, give thanks for the good and repeat. And maybe give thanks some more. It's easy to dwell on the negative and to have poor me days. In fact, it almost seems easier to see the bad as opposed to the good. Self challenge coming on? I think so! Have you ever read a book, or heard a lecture that just totally lifted you up? It ignites something deep inside and you feel all warm and ready to take on the world? I love that feeling. It seriously sets me on FIRE! (see what I did there)! But really, I want that feeling, but ALWAYS! I think they call that God. And I want to feel God working in my life. I want God to help open my eyes to the good, and in return I want to praise him with THANKS!

Next on the menu....I was talking with my soul sister today (check out her blog, you won't regret it) about our lovely children and their amazing power at taking mommy's patience down to zero. We are in agreement that we are getting a first hand glimpse of the terrible twos. Being a stay at home mom is packed with its own challenges. And no I am not complaining. Everyone else is allowed to talk about their day on the job, so why not us? I am pretty sure Brody knows just which buttons to push to get mommy going! Pretty sure....nah I know he does. He's constantly seeing how far I will let him go. He's always pushing the limits, seeing how I'll react. And he'll do it over and over again, waiting for me to break, to see if I will give in and turn that no into an OK fine play with that even though I don't really want you to. It's hard. It feels like no is the only word in my vocabulary, no, and the many twists you can try to put on it to try and not sound like a drone. I start to feel guilty. Like, mean old mommy never lets me do anything. Ya know what's scary about that? It's only going to get worse! I wish I could make him understand I am not saying no and taking things away from him because I'm a mean, no fun haver. I'm only trying to teach him, to protect him. I knew parenting wasn't going to be easy, but when I was pregnant, I definitely had my rainbow glasses on. I love Brody more than anything, and despite how crazy being a parent makes me feel, I know without a doubt that I want another child. Even though it has it's many challenges, it is also extremely gratifying. After a day full of no's, I know that I get to try again tomorrow. And maybe, just maybe, I won't have to say no as many times because he's learning.That's pretty cool.

Last but certainly not least ME! Yes, as if I don't talk about myself enough. I'm really good at preaching the whole "if you aren't happy, you are the only one who can change it" right? Well, I'm really good blabbing that out to people, but incorporating it into my own life? It has it's challenges. I am a whiz at making excuses for myself. Since we've been back from our honeymoon I have put on a few or more pounds. Other people may not notice it, or maybe you can (yikes!), either way, I am unhappy with it. So after a week of complaining to Jeff about it and then stuffing myself with Nilla wafers, I've decided I need to take action. So Monday I started an 8 week workout program. It's from FitnessBlender the same website I used to lose all my baby weight so I know I can be successful with it. I just have to get back in the habit of working out every day. Day 2...not so pretty. I hate when I can tell I'm out of shape. I was definitely huffing and puffing and ready to call it quits. I didn't but I also know I wasn't pushing myself as hard as I could have. I'm going to give myself a bit of a break there though, I mean, at least I'm starting up again! I'm hoping I stick with it. I am by no means going to go crazy about it, but having something lined up for me on a daily basis to kick my butt into shape helps. Now if I can only curb my Nilla wafer addiction. No not really. I know what they say, a healthy diet ect. but I like food. And I like to indulge. So if that means I have to sweat more tomorrow, so be it. I don't believe in withholding foods. haha.

And to wrap things up here's a little mommy love

sportin' his new owl beanie

these two...

always keep each other busy

so good at loving on his animals

finally got that wheelbarrow outside