It's A New Year

It's a new year! It feels the same as last week, but as with any new year all things seem possible.  There is a renewed hope. Resolutions…I don't know if I'd go that far. I think I reel through those on a monthly basis. I don't need January first to reaffirm the things in which I' d like to improve on. New Year's is more like a booster shot. The same as when you read an inspiring book,  or a a blog post that gives you that adrenaline rush of "I want to improve".

I mean, I DO want to improve. Don't we all? Aren't we always striving to be the best possible version of ourselves? I know that the best possible version of myself is living with God first in my life. I get so overwhelmed in self-doubt, confusion and frustration and I feel so alone sometimes and then I think to myself…why? Didn't we just celebrate Jesus being born? Of course I am not alone, I am never alone. I am not going to lie, sometimes I get that feeling of "shouldn't there be more?" and then on January first I read my daily devotional, and here's the little gem God put right in my lap:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Of course that is what I needed to hear and what better day to hear it than on January first! I so easily forget that I am not at this alone. That God is always with me and hey, by the way, He has plans for me.    If I stop shutting God out, and start seeking Him, and trusting Him, I will see my plan unfold. That's pretty exciting news.

I think I need to start trusting myself too. I feel like I've allowed becoming a mother to shelter me in some ways. I use to love going out alone. Alone time felt good and refreshing and now that I am a wife and mother alone time makes me feel anxious. I don't know if it's guilt, like I know I should be home with Brody, or doing my wifely duties, but I am ready to relish alone time again. I want to start doing things for just ME, and stop finding excuses of why I shouldn't.

Dear self:

Take a deep breath. Big. Feel it deep, fill your lungs to full capacity. Now let it out slowly. Do it a couple times. Life is right here in front of you NOW. Live it fully.

Happy New Years!