I feel happy.

I feel happy; at peace. It's such a welcome feeling after the last few weeks. I'm not exactly sure what it is….a shift in my mood. A change of heart. An acceptance of who I am. Just Me. Me without comparisons, without expectations. I'm finally just allowing things to be. It's a lot lighter with this mind frame. There are so many things that are just out of my control, and really why would I want to control things anyway? Life is full of ups and downs and challenges and surprises. By allowing myself to take them one at a time as they come makes it manageable.

I read this today:

Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she is screwing it up.

It's so easy as a parent to expect greatness from yourself. But the thing is, what matters for me at the end of the day, is knowing that Brody felt love and security.  That he never felt alone. That he felt unlimited acceptance no matter what situation he is in. At this age, he isn't going to remember if mommy lost her patience over something silly, or if one day mommy let him watch more cartoons than usual. He won't remember that last Tuesday his only source of green veggies was from a smoothie. What matters is that I am doing my best in each moment. That doesn't mean I am striving for perfection in each moment, it means I am doing what I can with what I've got in that moment. If I am exhausted and emotional, yeah, I will probably pop on the Disney channel and have Brody cuddle up next to me on the couch. I won't feel guilty over that. If it's sunny and the birds are singing, I will take him outside and encourage him when he climbs the step up to the slide. I will clap when he uses his toy bobcat to dig a hole. There is so much greatness in ordinary things. I just have to be willing to see it. And I am. I am done thinking I need to create some wonderland of obstacles and adventures for him to be the best mom. Being the best mom is being present. It's being ready to receive that 100 watt smile when he's proud of something he did. 

This little man, he sees happiness in small things. We can all learn a lesson from our children. He is such a huge part of my happiness. And I owe it to him, to my husband and especially myself to see happiness in all of the small things.