a grateful heart

I'm soaking in the sun on my teal patio chair. My favorite mug, full of coffee, steams in my hand and Brody is making vroom sounds pushing his favorite truck. I roll up my shirt to expose my growing belly to the warmth of the morning sun, sigh. Birds sing, celebrating the beauty. My little man, his heart so big, stands up and comes over to me. He pats his hand on my belly, says hi, and leans in to kiss it. I soar. His love, he gives so unconditionally, without second thoughts or questions.
This is an occurrence that has began to happen more and more often. Daddy and I tell him about the baby growing in mommy's belly and he shares his love. He smiles, he rubs, he says hi, kisses, and hugs. Mommy's belly is pretty popular with him.

I watch him with his animals. His gentleness, his affection. He tucks them into bed, covers them with blankets, kisses and shuts the bedroom door. He comes out with a finger to his lips. Quiet mom, they are sleeping. I burst with pride. I know this little boy, he's going to love on his baby brother or sister. And my worries and fears of having a second baby ebb away. We will learn together. We will learn how to share our hearts so full of love. 

Finally FINALLY I am falling in love with my second pregnancy. It took longer this time. It's held more challenges, emotionally and physically. I felt guilt over not being over the rainbow this time. But it's here. I am feeling that surge of love towards my changing body. My apprehensions that have been plaguing me have faded to the back. There is only space for excitement and celebration. I feel my little love wiggle inside of me and I feel a glow spread over me. I go on walks, one hand on my belly, the other clutched in Brody's small but strong grasp and I feel proud. Proud that I've raised such a loving happy little man. Proud that I am adding to our family, giving Brody a sibling.

And most of all I feel grateful. Grateful that I no longer feel the darkness that was sinking in around me. Grateful that the Lord supplied the strength I needed to rise above it. Grateful that my husband only loved me and supported me, lent his strength and encouragement.  And Brody, though he doesn't even realize it taught me endless lessons. Lessons of finding pure joy in the everyday, lessons of ceaseless  love and affection and the lesson that sometimes you just need a good cry and cuddle to make everything ok. No one will think less of me. Least of all my family, my friends.

Oh and sunshine…you've helped too. Gratefulness to beautiful days, to happy sing-song birds, and the little lady bug that graced me with her presence for a bit.