Dear Husband
I've been thinking about us a lot lately. Yes, more than usual. Even more, I have been thinking about YOU, which is sadly surprising because I think I have been pretty focused on myself lately. I have allowed myself to be quite consumed in my role as a mother, not just a mother, but an expecting mother of a busy two year old. I've been wondering a lot lately if I was this consumed with pregnancy when it was the first time, or if it's different because we already have Brody and I am baking number two. Either way, I want you to know that I can't stop thinking about your role in all of this. No, not your role as sperm supplier ; ) but your role as sole provider.
When we found out we were expecting Brody the two things that stand out most in my memory is how excited you were to become a father, and how you willingly stepped up as our sole financial provider. We had always agreed that once we had children my role would be raising them, and when that time came there still wasn't a question of whether I would keep working a 9-5 job or not. I think at the time I just assumed all of this would work out wonderfully and I didn't give a thought to how it would make you feel. Whether you would feel pressure at being the only source of our income. I mean, I know you had worries once in a while, but I had to pry those out of you. You stepped up and supported us and haven't stopped. I love and admire that about you. Not only in your role as father and husband, but in other roles outside of our home, you have always been willing to step up, without complaint.
I know with Lola on the way, and other things that have been quite consuming for us, you have worried about providing for us. Whether my staying home is going to continue to work for our family financially or not. We both know what I want. And I also know that you will do everything in your power to make it possible for me to continue to raise our children. In fact, you don't really speak about your doubts in that area. I am sure to spare me any worry. But also because any other way is not an option for you. I sometimes fail to see it, but when you work late into the evening and on weekends it's for me, for our son and baby girl. I am sorry I don't say it enough: thank you.
As you know I am quick to point out how difficult being a stay at home mom can be. How it's a 24/7 job with no breaks and endless demands. If I really stop and think about it though, you have just as many demands. Just because you are working outside of the home during they day doesn't mean you come home and relax. The minute you come home you are husband and daddy! And we both know I expect you to not slack in those departments and more often than not you always rise to the occasion. I love you for that. I love you for giving our son horsey rides around the living room, for blowing cherries on his tummy to endless laughter. I love you for reading the same bedtime story for the hundredth time to him and for letting him jump in the shower with your even though you just want 10 minutes to yourself. Most the time I only see that 10 minutes as freedom for myself, not 10 minutes of solitude you were seeking but gave up. Not only that, but after we get him to bed, you usually don't stop. You are outside mowing the lawn, working on the yard or most recently, working on baby furniture because of my urgent nesting needs. Thank you for working so hard.
I haven't really taken the time to stop and think about all that you provide for us. All of the little things I never even give a second thought too. Mortgage payments and utilities are always paid for without my even having to worry about it. If I say we need some groceries, or something for Brody or most recently baby girl things, you find a way and make it work out. I forget that on top of all the basics of home owning you go above and beyond and we never go wanting anything, even if that means you have to wait to get a new pair of work boots. You bare all of those things on your shoulders without complaint. Thank you honey.
I know you sometimes feel like you are doing everything right and yet I still find things to complain about. I am sorry. I know I am not always easy to live with and I find myself expecting you to read my moods, which let's face it, has been nearly impossible recently. I'm not even sure I know my moods these days, but you never stop trying. Even if your idea of pleasing me is providing a freshly mown yard, I know that is something you take pride in for your family. We definitely see things differently and even though there are times it drives me crazy it is what makes us work. I think what I need to work on, is realizing that even though I don't understand your thinking on things at times, it always comes from the heart. From a place where you are aiming to make me happy. I love you for that.
Just know that even though I might not give you constant affirmations of everything you do that I appreciate, I am thinking it. More now than ever. It's easy to forget to say thanks over the little things. We both know I goad you to appreciate what I do in the home, even if that praise for getting a load of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away all in the same day! I am very verbal about needing praise for the hard work I do. You on the other hand, you don't ever tell me that you need that kind of recognition, but I DO see it. And I have decided upon writing this to you that I am going to say it out loud more. You deserve to hear it. Thank you Thank you Thank you honey for everything you do for our family. I love you!
No comments:
Post a Comment