enjoy it, they grow up fast

Last night I had the hubs get Brody's newborn clothes out of the storage closet. I thought we could go through it and see what jams were baby sister friendly. OH MY I obviously know that Brody was born at exactly 7 lbs, but to go back after almost two years and look at his clothes, hold them, lay them on my growing belly…let's just say this momma got emotional. My baby boy is not a baby anymore. Just last night he went pee standing up by himself in his big boy urinal!!!! I just can't believe how fast time has gone. Too fast. He's going to be two in SIX days!

almost two 

less than a month old

Brody my boy where has the time gone?

 I think a lot of new mothers try to live with the intentions of enjoying every moment as it comes. Experienced mothers tell you repeatedly "enjoy it, it goes by fast". But let's be real here, in the beginning, when you are sleep deprived barely making it through the days of the week, it's hard to enjoy each moment. I think it comes in waves. Waves of pure bliss where you really do savor every moment. You really take in every little thing your baby does, cataloging all of those moments away with pictures, in journals. But there are waves where it's almost chaos and you look back and weeks have passed and you aren't sure what exactly went on. It' just life and it doesn't make us poor mothers. It really is a conscious effort to live present in every moment. Especially with children who are continually growing, changing, becoming increasingly independent. 

Now two years later and I feel like those baby days are a distant memory and I almost feel apprehensive about #2. I mean, yes, I have "been there, done that" but I'm still nervous! A tiny newborn again. Weeks filled with sleepless nights? Will breastfeeding be like second nature this time, or will I have struggles again? Will I be able to equally divide my love? I worry so much that Brody is going to feel neglected, or replaced and my heart aches at that thought. I don't want anything to change what we have, but I know they will. And they only way to put my worries to rest is knowing Lola's arrival will make our lives feel even fuller. More complete. Until her arrival, however, I really want to savor the one on one time with Brody. Our days of just me and him. We won't ever have that again and it has been nothing short of amazing these last two years. Yes, amazing includes all the challenges, ups and downs, and endless "am I doing this right" questions. I became a mother with Brody and we have a bond that will be unlike mine with his sister. Our two years together will always be special to me, he's helped me become the mother I am today.