Marriage

Marriage.

I have been thinking about this word a lot. What it means, not only according to the dictionary, but to me, in my heart.  Granted I haven't even been married a full year (less than a month to go) but I have been with my husband for over six years now, five in a half of them living under the same roof. The law might say a little shy of a year but my heart says six. I know that I mostly blog about my experiences as a mother, but without my husband I would not be a mother. As our anniversary approaches I can't help but think about the past year of our life as an official married couple. The first thing that pops into my head: marriage is hard!

Not what you expected? Me neither. Or maybe deep down I knew it would be, relationships in general are hard, but I think all of the wedding planning pushed the "work" part of marriage out of my mind. I totally got lost in the flowers, cake, and dresses of the wedding. Yes, we did the premarital counseling where we were advised on the "work" ahead of us. Yes, we wrote our own vows, promising each other the best of ourselves and other mushy things. But the truth is, after the wedding day buzz fades, and you go back to the daily grind of life, marriage is hard. All of the pictures of the smiling bride and groom doesn't paint the proper picture. It'd be nice yes, but let's be real here, at 5:45 when your husband isn't home yet, and your toddler is clinging to your leg bawling and you are trying to get dinner prepared, more than likely you are thinking of some not so nice things about that smiling groom your heart melted over!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I've lived the past year in marriage misery. We have good days, in fact good weeks where everything does sort of feel magical and wonderful and meant-to-be. But there are not so good days…weeks, where I am left wondering "what the hell were we thinking?" Compatible? Us? We can't even speak to each other without snapping!A life together when we can't get through ten minutes together? Those moments are tough. They make me question everything. No, don't jump to conclusions here. Those moments never make me question my love for my husband. I think it is just natural human compulsion to start questioning everything in moments of weakness.  And ya know what it always comes down to 90% of the time with us? Communication. Communication folks! It's so damn basic, yet we neglect it. Not purposefully. It's just easy to forget that this simple thing can solve most anything. Maybe simple isn' the right word. It sometimes isn't simple to get us both to sit down and really communicate. Not say what we think the other wants to hear, but to REALLY communicate, even when what we have to say might hurt the others feelings. 

Marriage is choosing your battles. It is compromise. It is putting your spouse and their needs first. It is not easy. It's a conscious decision every day. It's so easy to just think about yourself. Your wants and needs and what will make you happy. The minute you lose sight of your spouses needs, things become strained. Feelings become hurt. Anger and resentment flare up. It's a viscous cycle and even though I know this it still happens. Add a toddler into the mix and a baby on the way….it's very easy for all hell to break loose. It's not just about you and your spouse. It's about your child. And their needs? Constant and ever changing. Marriage is a constantly evolving state. As are most thing in life. And with nearly a year of official marriage under my belt, there are definitely things I'd like us to work on for year #2. But I'll get to that...