finding time to rock

"Rock?" Brody's soft, sleepy voice asks.

We don't rock often these days. I've thought to myself more than once that maybe it's time to find the glider a new home, never really following through with much more than that. Today made me glad it's still in his room. I'm not going to lie, when I took him in his room for his nap, I just wanted him to lay down so I could go and lay down to my own nap. Lola was actually asleep at the same time, which doesn't happen often for us. When he asked me to rock, my initial thought was to tell him no, not today.

"You want to rock?" was what came out of my mouth instead.
 "Yeah" he said, so I said "OK".

I asked him if he wanted a blankie, he quickly grabbed his off the bed along with Rocky, his stuffed raccoon. He climbed up onto my lap and instantly settled in. He told me he was cold and did his shiver impression. I wrapped his blankie around him and Rocky. A cocoon keeping boy and animal warm.  Our rocking began. I sang to him, first twinkle twinkle little star, than switching gears went on to sing Hark the Harold. The truth is, in Brody's two years, I have not learned many lullabies, but by God I know my Christmas songs! Light breaths turned to long heavy ones, he was out. Not even five minutes and my baby boy had drifted into sleep. I couldn't bare to put him down. He seems so big to me now a days but rocking him, his little body curled up in my lap, he was my baby all over again. I was instantly transported back to when I could rock with his whole little body on one arm. I couldn't help but think "what if this is the last time he asks me to rock him to sleep?"  I pray it's not and I am so pleased that I hadn't passed up on the chance to rock him.

I've slowly gotten better at letting things be. I tend to think I need to cram every household chore into nap times, but with Lola's arrival and added exhaustion I've been much more willing to just relax. This time that meant ignoring my desire for a nap to just hold onto the baby moments with Brody. I'm calling them baby moments because more and more he is expressing his desire for independence. I know I should be so proud of him, and I am, but there's a corner of my heart that aches when he says "no mommy" when I ask if he needs help with something.

I am sure I have said this over and over and I probably will a thousand more times, but being a parent is so bittersweet. You just pour all of your love into these amazing little beings, you guide them, you teach them just so in the end you can let them go out into the world without you. The important part, the thing I must remind myself, is if I do it right, they will always come back. No matter how far into the world my babies explore, no matter how many lives they touch, they will always come back to their mother. Whether it be for more guidance, or just for hugs, whether it's to nurture a broken heart, or find their way after a mistake. If I raise my babies right, there will never be a question of our acceptance and endless love for them and they will always find comfort in home, in mommies arms.