this is a sacred, valuable part of your story

The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 
1 Samuel 16:7

I watched this video last night that basically made me sob. It was about a husband and wife finding out that their unborn child would more than likely pass before being born due to fluid around his abdomen, lungs, heart and brain. This family, they had unwavering faith in God. They continually prayed, and in their prayers they thanked God for being good, they trusted God's plan for them whatever it may be, and they didn't blame God for this heart wrenching news but again thanked Him for their unborn son. They never let go of their faith. They would go to their appointments and the doctors had little hope for them but they still prayed, even after being told to start planning his funeral, that he'd probably pass before being born. This unwavering faith they had? I long to know what that feels like. They went in for another appointment, another ultrasound. Almost programmed for negative news by now they barely paid attention. Their tech seemed new, confused. She kept asking them their names, the due date. She stumbled over her questions. They thought she didn't know how to do her job. She said she had to get the doctor and when he came back they heard him say divine intervention. Their baby, the one they were told to prepare to lose, he was perfect. The doctor told them he was not the same baby they had been looking at for weeks and weeks. He was perfectly healthy, fluid free. And he is an adorable little toddler now. I sobbed I tell you!  God IS good and this family never lost sight of His goodness.

I seem to easily jump to blame games when things don't go my way. I ask God why. I point my finger.  I am back to only calling on God when it's convenient for me instead of seeking Him in all things. It's a lonely world going at it that way. A while back I had read a post from this blog, and in the post she had written :

When I see Jesus as useful, He's a gadget to make my life better. When I see Jesus as beautiful, He's a joy that makes me live better. 

It had left an impression on me and I had put it in my phone as a weekly reminder. I put in as a reminder so that when it would pop up I would read it and meditate on it. As time passed I barely glanced at it, almost seeing it as a nuisance popping up once a week. It's amazing how my outlook changed when I lost sight of why I had put it their in the first place. My faith journey, it's full of ups and downs. It's full of lulls where I lose sight of God and the person I want to be. I read this in my daily devotional today " If you're on a spiritual journey right now, keep going! This is a sacred, valuable part of your story, and all of heaven is cheering you on! Pray a prayer of complete honesty today - admitting exactly where  you are, asking for help to take the next step. " 

God always knows how to reach me. I tend to doubt Him from time to time but He always leaves these little gems for me. I just have to be willing to see them! It's too easy to get tunnel vision; only seeing what I want, whether it's focusing on the negative, or feeling sorry for myself. But then I hear these stories. Stories of strangers, or people I know or have met before. Stories where people have experienced horrendous pain, or sadness or loss. And I am always moved by their faith in God. Every time I think to myself, "I want that kind of faith." I am tired of thinking it. I want it. I want to act on it. I think that means I need to get out of my comfort zone and find a church home, join a bible study. I need to MAKE time to read my bible, to talk to God, to meditate on Him and His goodness. I am really good at making excuses for time. I think I'm really busy but the truth is we all make time for what's important to us, and God is important to me. He needs to come first. I am excited for this journey. I am excited to grow my faith!